Only If You Let It

Love doesn’t follow rules. Neither does age. 

Anthony Quinn, the legendary actor known for his unforgettable roles in Zorba the Greek and Lawrence of Arabia, was 70 when he met Kathy Benvin, then just 23 years old. Benvin was hired as his secretary, but she quickly became captivated by his zest for life, energy, and creativity. She once admitted that before meeting Quinn, she thought people in their 70s were in the twilight of their lives. “I thought 70 was the age where you sit in a chair and pretty much wait to die,” she said. But then, she met Quinn, a man who, at 70, was still running, painting, writing scripts, and preparing for a play. 

Quinn’s introduction to her was simple yet profound: “My life is a mess. I’m painting something, I’m going to do a play, and I’m writing a script, and I need somebody to help me.” This was no ordinary senior citizen, and Benvin soon found herself drawn to his infectious lust for life. What started as a professional relationship blossomed into a deep, romantic connection. Despite their 47-year age difference, Quinn and Benvin married and had two sons together—one when Quinn was 78, and the other when he was 81.

Quinn lived fully, mentally sharp until he passed away at the age of 86 from lung cancer. Benvin never remarried, saying that Anthony was the love of her life and that nobody could ever replace him. 

Age Gaps: Breaking Stereotypes 

The story of Anthony Quinn and Kathy Benvin is heartwarming, but it is by no means unique. Throughout history, couples with large age differences have thrived, proving that love transcends the boundaries of time. As the old saying goes, “Age is just a number,” and for many couples, that number becomes increasingly irrelevant as their connection deepens.  

Interestingly, as couples marry later in life, the age gap tends to widen. Older individuals often find themselves less concerned with age and more focused on compatibility, shared values, and emotional connection. As the great philosopher Plato once said, “At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.” In this poetic state, the age difference between partners seems like a footnote in a much larger story. 

My Age Gap Love Story 

Age differentials in relationships aren’t just found in Hollywood or history books. My amazing wife, Teresa, and I have a 16-year age difference, and we are not only deeply in love, we are best friends. We do everything together—whether it’s playing golf, traveling, competing in word games, watching sports, building 72SOLD, or cuddling up on the couch to watch a movie.

I don’t see Teresa as younger, and I don’t believe she sees me as older. We see each other as equals, mutual supporters, living life together, loving life together, sometimes just getting through life together, partners in every sense of the word. As I write this, I am sitting next to Teresa on the couch watching Sunday night football. I just turned to her and asked if she sees me as older. Her exact words: “I don’t even think about age with respect to you.”

Age Gaps Can Enhance 

In a relationship with a significant age difference, the older partner may bring a sense of stability and life experience, while the younger partner may bring energy, enthusiasm, and a fresh perspective. The marriage of these dynamics can create a partnership with a vitality that is enhanced instead of challenged by the age differential. This was certainly the case with Anthony Quinn and Kathy Benvin.

As noted by relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, “Couples in successful marriages often have a deep understanding and appreciation of each other’s inner worlds. They transcend differences—whether in age, background, or personality—because they listen to and connect with one another.” Connection becomes the bedrock of the relationship, regardless of age.