A Small Word, A Big Impact
Have you ever noticed how powerful the word “you” is? It’s not just a pronoun; it’s a bridge—connecting you to others in ways that the word “I” simply can’t. At the Citiea/72SOLD event in December, Joel Weldon, an iconic speaker and communication expert, shared this game-changing insight with our real estate agents. His advice was as sharp as it was simple: to truly engage people, make it about them. Drop the “I” and focus on the “you.”
A Tale of Two Thank-You Notes
To drive this point home, Joel gave an unforgettable example using two examples of thank-you notes to me and Teresa for hosting the event. The first version was packed with “I” statements:
“I had a great time at the event.”
“I loved the speakers.”
“I’m so inspired to use the ideas I learned in my business.”
Polite? Sure. Memorable? Not really. Now, let’s see what happens when “you” takes the spotlight:
“Thank you! You and your guest speakers were so inspiring.”
“You provided invaluable ideas that will make a real difference.”
“You created an unforgettable experience, and it’s so appreciated.”
The shift in impact was dramatic. You could hear the instantaneous buzz of praise throughout the room. Suddenly, the note wasn’t just a thank-you—it became a celebration of the hosts. It resonated deeply, proving the magnetic power of focusing on “you.”
Why “You” Matters More Than “I”
The magic of “you” lies in its ability to make others feel valued. Psychologists have long noted that people are most interested in… themselves. By using “you” instead of “I,” you tap into their natural inclination to feel seen and understood. Joel put it best:
“Every time you use ‘I,’ ‘me,’ and ‘mine,’ you disconnect. But with ‘you,’ ‘your,’ and ‘you’ll,’ you connect.”
The “You” Effect in Action
Imagine you’re giving advice to a friend who’s nervous about a job interview. Which of these approaches do you think would resonate more?
“I remember when I was preparing for my interviews. I made sure to research the company and practice answers to common questions.”
“You’re going to do great! You’ve already done your research, and you’ve practiced your answers. When you walk in, you’re going to feel prepared and confident.”
The first approach focuses on your experience, but the second speaks directly to your friend, encouraging and empowering them. By using “you” statements, you make your support and encouragement feel more personal and impactful.
Practice Makes Perfect: Tips for “You”-Focused Communication
Becoming a master of “you” communication requires intentionality. Here are some tips to get you started:
1. Audit Your Messages: Look at your recent emails or texts. Count how many times you use “I” versus “you.” Rewrite the message, replacing “I” statements with “you” statements to make it more engaging.
2. Speak to One Person… Always: Joel emphasized that even when addressing a crowd, you should speak as if you’re talking to one person. Replace phrases like “you guys” or “all of you” with just “you.” It creates intimacy, even in group settings.
3. Create Visuals for Them: When describing something, help your audience picture themselves in the scenario. For example: Your friend tells you they are planning vacation in Spain this summer. Instead of: “I loved visiting Spain last year. My favorite part of the trip was sampling the amazing local dishes.” try: “You’re going to love Spain. The food is incredible, and the energy in the plazas is something you’ll really enjoy.”
4. Turn Praise Back to Them: If you’re thanking someone, focus on their contributions and impact. Instead of, “I appreciate the opportunity,” say, “Your support made all of this possible.”
Elevating Everyday Connections
At this point, you might be wondering how such a small tweak in the way you communicate can have such a big impact on others. Think about when you’ve been in conversations where the other person’s words made you feel most appreciated and valued. Psychologists and communication experts agree that you achieve this by using the word “you.” Whether you’re sharing advice, offering a compliment, or simply catching up, centering your words on the other person is more impactful. This simple shift in verbiage doesn’t just make conversations better—it strengthens relationships and can turn even ordinary moments into more meaningful and memorable moments. Isn’t that what we want to achieve with the people around us?
Final Thoughts: It’s About “YOU,” Not “I”
Dale Carnegie once said, “Talk to someone about themselves and they’ll listen for hours.” Joel Weldon’s advice brings this timeless truth into sharper focus: To connect, inspire, and influence, make it about them.
The next time you write an email, draft a thank-you note, or have a conversation, remember Joel Weldon’s simple yet transformative advice: Shift the focus. Use the words “you”, “you’ll” and “yours” as often as you can. You’ll build stronger connections, leave more lasting impressions, and make the people you communicate with feel more valued.
At the end of the day, who has the power to strengthen your relationships and change how others feel about you? It’s you, not I.
