September 9th, 2026
The Calm Person
My friend Bruce once taught me how to land a Husky tail-dragger airplane in the wilderness.
That is the sort of lesson where you particularly appreciate an instructor who does not become emotionally adventurous.
Bruce and I have done business together, traveled together, and helped each other make important life decisions. I helped him sell a $100 million Las Vegas casino. He helped me learn to put that little airplane safely on the ground.
Through all of it, I noticed something unusual about Bruce.
He listened far more than he talked. He never, and I mean never, became visibly upset. He would listen, consider the facts, and respond intelligently. He was brief and brilliant instead of big and bloated.
I never saw him freak out. Not once.
Bruce is also among the wealthiest people I know. Yet what impresses me most is not his wealth. It is the organized, purposeful, completely enjoyable life he leads on his terms, not somebody else’s.
I do not think those things are unrelated.
Most people absorb the emotions around them. When everyone else panics, they panic. When stress enters the room, they give it a chair and offer it coffee. They are calm when life is calm, which is not much of an achievement.
The rare person stays calm when everyone else is unraveling.
Not because that person feels no pressure, but because he has trained himself to respond instead of react. His presence becomes an anchor. While everyone else is discussing how terrible, insulting, frightening, or unfair something is, he asks one simple question:
“What should we do next?”
Calm can look like doing nothing. That is why people underestimate it.
But calm is not passive. Calm is the pause between what happens and what you do about it. That pause is where intelligence enters the conversation.
Here is one of the best definitions of a problem I have ever heard:
A problem is simply a set of facts compounded by emotion.
Remove the emotion and something interesting happens. The “problem” disappears. What remains is simply a set of facts.
Something happened.
Someone said something.
A business deal changed.
A medical report arrived.
A plan failed.
Someone broke a promise.
Those facts may require serious thought and decisive action. But anger, fear, resentment, and panic rarely improve the quality of either.
Indignation can be wonderfully satisfying. It just has a terrible record as a strategic adviser.
I see people become consumed by what someone “should have” done, how unfairly they were treated, or why circumstances “should not” be this way. They spend enormous energy arguing with facts that have already occurred.
Facts are stubborn that way. They do not reverse themselves because we are offended.
This does not mean you should become cold or unemotional. Love your spouse deeply. Adore your children. Care for your parents and friends. Get excited about your dreams. Laugh loudly. Celebrate wildly.
I am talking about decisions involving your health, your wealth, your work, and the future you hope to create.
In those moments, strip away the drama. Write down exactly what happened, without adjectives. Decide what outcome you want. Identify your options. Choose the most intelligent next step.
Then act.
When the upsetting email arrives, pause. When somebody tries to aggravate you, remember that accepting the invitation is optional.
Whenever something happens that might otherwise upset you, ask yourself three questions:
What happened?
How does it affect me?
What should I do next?
Focus on your objective, nothing else. Then act. Deliberately. Unemotionally.
Think of life as a series of chess moves.
Better moves, better life.
Bruce taught me how to land an airplane in the backcountry. Without intending to, he also taught me a better way to land almost everything else life throws at us.
The calm person may not control everything that happens.
But very often, the calm person controls what happens next.
